Clipper Critic Pillows

'You know, our barber really sucks.'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

Standard endings for sci-fi movies...

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"Try to get him away from that bloody whip...Pass it on."

Filling the Missile Gap

I hate sitting in traffic jams. - 'Move it! I need to get work.' - 'I hate sitting at my desk.' -

The suggestion box.

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

An acceptable level of TV violence.

"No more thinking outside the box Bamford. From now on I want you to do all your thinking inside your box!"

"The script is flimsy, the action scenes implausible and the plot would insult the intelligence of a three year old."

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

The Real Russian history

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"Oh, it's just a corny old bee movie."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

"He thinks that if they really want to smash the stereotype then he should be a shoe-in for the next Bond."

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

"But only during rehearsal."

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

"When did movies start being dumb all year round?"

'I'm not saying this is a deadend job, but you can forget a trophy wife.'

Nutty Assistants

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'