Critique Lovers Pillows

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'You're quick to criticise, but slow to help.'

Filling the Missile Gap

Final words on gravestones.

An acceptable level of TV violence.

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

The Real Russian history

"Well...I notice a little criticism on my leadership style..."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

"I loved your embarrassing personal essay in the 'Times.' "

Cartoon Editor: No, No, No, No, No, No, Maybe.

Rubbish, Poppycock, Balderdash

'Too many cliches? Now hold your horses!'

Nutty Assistants

A man is looking at a sign saying Exhibition of art exhibition jargon.

Art is a cruel mistress.

"I just love your use of lying"

Ezra Pound

New Jersey Cops Gone Wild

"Do you mind if I give you feedback?"

Editor

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

Fake Diplomas

"Your earlier work was better."

'Didn't I read your last book, find it absolutely disgusting and vow never to read another, or was that someone else?'

'I really don't see the point?'

"Is it a witty and insightful exploration of the zeitgeist of 'boundaries' or is it in fact, the way out?"

"Ugh... Jerry Saltz is totally junking up my feed again."

"Do you mind if I put this on instagram?"

"Well, the x-rays show you have a little arthritis in your hands, but mostly they're just poorly drawn."

"I had a bad review, so I'm only a 3-1/2 star general."

"This is an intervention. It's clear that you've resumed your habit of reading the reviews."

"The technique is good, but somehow I feel that the artist didn't take enough time observing the subject."