Clinic Managers Gifts

'It's from the PCT...they want us to reduce bullying in the practice or they're going to cut our funding and send someone around to kick out A****'

"Here's what I'm gonna do."

"Quick! Act like we just developed a drug that they can sell for seven thousand dollars a pill."

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'The client has asked that you please stop referring to the product as, 'Crappy Crap Crap.'

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"It's interpret-your-own-test-results day today."

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

'I wished I'd known about this club last week. I'm really stressed out at my job!'

"Did you speak to our client in Australia?"

"I hate it when the palcebo does better than the drugs we're testing."

'When you've a minute could you design a new health infrastructure for the area with budget forecasts staffing requirements and job descriptions...tomorrow will do.'

"Look at them over there, looking all smug with their clients and accounts and stuff."

NHS targets.

NHS recruitment.

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

'It's a brand new state-of-the-art waiting room.'

"OK, you're going to feel a little prick, followed by a burning desire to sue me."

The Odd Couple.

Hell's Angels

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Hospital Deaths - "Congratulations, you're manager of the month again"

"Psychiatric convention"

Fertility clinic open day - Man holding balloons shaped like sperm.

If Supermarkets were run like the NHS: I'd like a million pounds worth of shampoo, which I may not bother to collect if Eastenders is on.

Consortia set to take over

'The hospital needs to cut its drug budget...Mrs Miggins will be seeing what she can do for the Oncology department with hot twigs and frogspawn...'

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

Stress on GPs