Cleanliness Captain Gifts

'Growing a beard?' - 'Yes, not so much face to wash.'

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

'Wash your hands, it's time for your piano lessons.'

'I thought this was supposed to be a holiday.'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

Mother pours bubble bath into child's plastic pool

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

"Before you go anywhere, did you lick behind your ears?"

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

"They're clean Mum, I washed them yesterday."

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

In the art gallery

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

"Sorry, but it is not negotiable! You have to let Tim clean your teeth twice a day!"

Woman disposes of partner's squash kit in hazardous waste container.

Cleaner with nameplate next to Consultant Surgeon's desk.

The life-changing magic of shoving everything into a huge Hefty bag and leaving it for somebody else to deal with.

"Let me know when the floor is clean enough for me to put my feet on it again."

'That's why I like Neederman. He does the little things to help his team that don't show up in the statistics.'

'That's my mom... she's sort of a CEO, an action committee, and a janitor all rolled up into one.'

Jesus swept.

"Wet wipe?"

'Only peanut butter and jelly fingers, Sir.'

"Looks like you've got some competition."

"We might be in trouble – the environment people have cited us as a hazardous waste site."

'I'm just draining the reservoir.'

'Getting other people's toddler's leftovers on a highchair is one thing, but getting their toddler, too, is another.'

'My mom invented baths!'

"How do you like our new smart water hose? It knows when you're dirty and hoses you off before you come into the house."

Billy's clean room.

I thought we agreed, this birdbath was our little secret!

Medieval Torture

"Of course it is a nuisance with all this soap, but the important thing is that the germs think so too."