Cleaning Cynic Pillows

"Honestly, you'll do anything to get out of helping out around here!"

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

Struggling with issues from his own childhood, the Bedroom Bandit would sneak in and jumble children's room across the nation. Not a mother believed it.

No Immediate Danger

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Spring cleaning.

"Time to spring-clean where I spent the entire winter."

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

"Do you have anything that removes ink stains?"

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

'And best of all, he really enjoys it.'

Rubbing alcoholics anonymous.

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

Defend the Cult of Militant Nonviolence!

'No wonder people are cynical about government. Fooling some of the people all the time no longer works.'

'One could make the ultimate industrial strength glue by cracking the formula of the goo on night club stages.'

"Other than obsessive bread-making, compulsive cleaning, British-TV-baking-series bingeing..."

'I thought of becoming a doctor, but you have to wash your hands all the time . . .'

IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: CLEAN UNDERWEAR

"I, too, want to preserve the environment, just as it is: acid rain, holes in the ozone layer, lots of crap in the air."

'I fail to note the significance of rising sea levels here on the 39th floor.'

"I think he would have like his ashes in the Shop Vac."

"Let Halliburton clean it up."

Crop Dusting?

"Hey, hon - they published my article."

Mom! The maid is hiding dust under Grandma again!

Roger Federer's Tips for Vacuuming

Please take a number.. '.E = MC2?'

Your work station is a disgrace! It looks as if it hasn't been cleaned for a month. Don't blame me, I've only been here a week.

Aurora Boring Alice.

"Every time I explore the corners of my mind, I have the urge to dust."

Nature Abhors A Vacuum

'Nothing. Turn off the porch light.'

'It's too bad about them banning DDT. I was just getting to like it.'