Cosmetic Cynic Pillows

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

Kid arrives with CCTV camera, saying: 'It followed me home, can we keep it?'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Now that you've all had a chance to try the shampoo we would like you to fill in this questionnaire.'

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

Obama builds own gallows.

Federal Bureau of Do As We Say, NOT As We Do!

"Oh, the usual bills and a friendly reminder from Satan that there's a special place in Hell reserved just for us, but only if we ACT NOW, blah, blah, blah."

'Oh I've always been a sceptic, through all my past lives.'

Old Rope

'Look! The first active ingredient is marketing spin.'

"I'd better read the official view before I form an opinion."

Mail & Political lies.

"...and the women who used the placebo makeup turned out to be just as attractive."

Unnecessary Surgery

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

'Mom, when did your beauty start to slip?'

The Sequel is Coming

Glop With Packaging

New! Cell-U-Lite Tellaphone: 'Hmmm! There's something wrong here!'

Shampoo - New Flick In The Eye Cap

"Pipped for 3rd place - weighed down by those eyelashes."

'Ha! I can see right through that!'

'It's too bad about them banning DDT. I was just getting to like it.'

"It's possible I suppose, but not before the strong have stripped it of everything worth having of course!"

"I will never read that book, and I'm eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."