Classroom Superhero Gifts

"I've found that primal screaming relieves my stress. . . although I probably shouldn't have done it in front of my second graders."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

'While outsourcing is a common business practice, you may not ousource your research and homework assignments, Fletcher.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

"She's a high grade teacher."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

'I will now read the results of my experiments in fruit genetics. . .'

"Please, Ms. Sweeney, may I ask where you're going with all this?"

'Ok, class, let's take attendance. Joey?'

'Just doing the school run.'

"I need you to line up by attention span."

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"Aw, Miss! Why do you always pick on me to answer the questions?"

'Right lad, now it's my turn for free expression . . . (I wish!)'

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

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