Classroom Superhero Gifts

"I've found that primal screaming relieves my stress. . . although I probably shouldn't have done it in front of my second graders."

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"It's no my fault I got a D. The system is broken."

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

'This handheld computer is very useful for teaching. It displays my lesson plan, calander, key files, and an extensive menu of put-downs for hecklers and classroom clowns.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"If something that doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, then I should be Atlas!"

'While outsourcing is a common business practice, you may not ousource your research and homework assignments, Fletcher.'

'We're doing the right thing, Bob, Let Andy solve problems with bullies at school his own way,,,'

"I passed the three R's. Now I need some R and R!"

Teacher getting the childrens attention by pretending to be on television.

Teacher to student: 'Nice use of glitter, but you were assigned to do math problems.'

"She's a high grade teacher."

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

Luck is when good classroom management skills meets a day when distruptice students are absent.

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

'I will now read the results of my experiments in fruit genetics. . .'

Help. High performing teacher trapped in low performing pay scale.

'Ok, class, let's take attendance. Joey?'

'Just doing the school run.'

"Please, Ms. Sweeney, may I ask where you're going with all this?"

"I need you to line up by attention span."

"No, I don't believe Michaelangelo ever did any bobbleheads."

"Sorry, class, but because of new deregulations, I don't have to teach you anything this year."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

'Right lad, now it's my turn for free expression . . . (I wish!)'

Back to School

'I'm sorry, Sally, you can't buy a vowel.'

"Blood sweat and tears. I think it's supposed to make us feel guilty."

'No, fear isn't one of the basic taste sensations.'

"I said 'I quit'. Nobody listens to me any more."

"May I have your attention please???" "NO!!!"