Classroom Composure Enthusiast Gifts

'Settle down! The bell is a signal for me, not for you.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'Smashing party, Miss - can we have another one tomorrow?'

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

'Thank you for the apple Conrad. But in answer to your question, no, you may not address me as 'Boopsie'.'

'I guess what happens in Kindergarten, doesn't stay in Kindergarten.'

'I'm having a hard time balancing homework and family time.'

Global Education

"How do we make sure the students' voices are heard, but get them to be quiet at the same time?"

"While your lesson plans were perfect, and your bulletin boards were terrific...your classroom management skills need work!"

"You're actually passing notes in class? That is so retro!"

Beginning of the school year

"I knew there'd be pitfalls when I became a teacher, but thirty to a classroom is too many."

'I was on my way to school, and some drug-crazed hippies took my homework.'

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

"Fear not, Miss Hathaway. Just go home and listen to a cd of howling wolves or screeching monkeys and by Monday you'll be ready for your 3rd grade class."

'Sorry professor, my mind was some other place.'

"Since I'm your favorite student, do I even have to take this test?"

School boy

"But playing computer games help my. . . uh. . . dexterity, so I can do my school work better!"

"No, you don't get incentive pay for Billy Vincent."

"The kindergarteners have breached their classroom confines, and are headed this way. We'll be overrun within minutes. What should we do?"

"Can't hear it at all, miss."

"That's my survival kit. It has a meditation tape, aspirin and rose-coloured glasses."

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"I'm Billy's mother, and this is his attorney!"

"Isn't it great? I found little 'Classroom Mode' switches behind their ears."

"People...do you FINALLY understand the concept of 'Visual Narrative?'"

A small clown sits at the back of a class room - 'Mr Jenkins, do you always have to be the class clown?!'

Announcement over school PA: 'We're going to begin this week with an all-school search for Mr. Ridley - last Friday's substitute teacher.'

Volcano Danger: 'We are shutting down your Wright Brothers exhibit until Andy's volcano is dormant again.'

"First day of school and you've already got problem students?"