Classroom Comic Gifts

"I wouldn't say your son is a bad child. He's gifted at disruptive behavior."

'Yes, I do have a good memory, but I didn't pay attention in class: Can you please help me with my homework?'

"You have to not only show your answer, you have to show how you got your answer."

"Mr. Johnson always brings a sense of wonder to science class. I'm always wondering what he's talking about."

"I was hoping you were one of the many who don't bother to fact check."

'This circular motion I'm making with my hand indicates the content is still loading.'

'I will now read the results of my experiments in fruit genetics. . .'

"I honestly don't think I can go for six whole hours without checking my phone."

Parent-teacher-stranger conference

"You should have heard teacher's vocabulary when I spilled my alphabet soup on her."

I Will Not Text In Class # Mean Teacher

"Have you ever noticed that all our teachers fit the FBI's terrorist profile?"

"I know! I know! I K-n-o-w!. . . Um, what was the question?"

'She wishes.'

'Sorry I'm late, miss. My alarm clock overslept.'

'Going to school is NOT an abusive relationship!'

Teacher with soreness: 'I got a kink in my neck from grading on a curve.'

"And when the little hand gets to the nine, it means... ah, just check your cell phones."

'I'd give that teacher a piece of my mind if I could spare it.'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

"I know your dad's a hedge fund manager, Amber, but you don't need a bigger piece of paper to draw a picture of your house."

'Turner don't use that expression 'Pie int he sky' its sounds ridiculous and don't point!'

A Puppet Named Juan

Ethics exam cheater.

I should be a writer when I grow up...

'But I digress...'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

A=Pi r 2, 'All this stuff about 'pie are square' makes me HUNGRY!'

Billy, can you deliver your show 'n tell this time without the fog machine?

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

School. Report Card. You couldn't name the presidents and flunked history? Yeah -- It's not what you know, it's who you know.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

Conflating Science and Grammar. The boy threw the ball. What grammatical role does "ball" play in this sentence? An object in motion!