Classic Movie Devotee Gifts

'I recently saw the Maltese Falcon for the first time in years, and I didn't like it nearly as much as I expected to. Because of that, I find I'll now have to rethink my whole life.'

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Herman Mankiewicz

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Leslie Caron.

'I don't believe it. Five minutes after he gets the darn thing, he has an arrest!'

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

Tarzan of the damn dirty apes.

Marilyn Monroe - Spot the Difference

"Housekeeping?!"

"If you wish to manifest here, you'll have to change. We don't allow anything past 1950."

"Gone with the wind with cats" "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." "Me neither, who cares—let's take a nap."

Star Wars vs Star Trek

A huge shark is about to attack a small fishing boat and one of the guys is saying 'Listen... there's that creepy music again' as an orchestra of fish, crabs and an octopus play the theme from Jaws.

Buster Keaton

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

Jimmy Cagney.

The Scarecrow Gets A Brain From Igor

Two men in love, sitting in vintage champaign glasses

"Citizen Kane first draft... Citizen Kane By Orson Welles & Herman J. Mankiewicz Int. Kane's bedroom Kane's old voice Call a freaking ambulance! Rosebud..."

Did you ever get that feeling in the moonlight?

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"You funnin' me, bub?"

Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, in all the solar systems, in all the galaxies, in all the universe, she walks into mine.

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

All-Verbal Westerns

A 1920's film director with hand-cranked camera and megaphone.

Old Wine in an Old Bottle

I'm Spartacus.

Martin Scorsese

"And make sure you get my daughter home before sunrise..!"

"Homes on Holmes"

'Because it was there, Dave, because it was there.'