Classic Fable Lover Gifts

'... And so, the tortoise beat the Hare, but was later disqualified due to steroids use.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Pinocchio's nose used by cat as a scratching post

The tooth fairy.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

Mouse is doctor to lions with thorns in paws.

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'Yes Mr Hare, you were right: He IS on steroids!'

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."

"Me Tarzan. You CGI."

Alice in Wonderland - The Pig Baby.

Sleeping Beauty.

Allergy Information: May contain traces of nuts, soya, child bones.

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Never mind the porridge, someone's stolen my woodland mushroom collection."

Crow and fox

"My God! There goes middle management."

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

Accountant Bedtime Stories

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

Ask A Silly Question.

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."