Clairvoyance Fan Gifts

"Interesting guy. He predicted the collapse this year of the Mets, the Giants, and the Soviet Union."

Fortune teller: 'If you want a second opinion, my sister reads tarot cards.'

"I see a pretty lady who looks a lot like you....a very kind lady...and she's adopting what appears to be a box of adorable kittens!"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Asking out a palm reader.

Don't worry, I see babies, lots of babies...

Quantum Psychic

"You're solemates!"

"I'm not sure you'll want to know this."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'I see you in five years from now, you're still coming to see me. Do you want me to book the appointments in advance?'

'I can see a visit to the vet, but, oh my, no more kids after that!...'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Sweetie, I'm back from the dead!"

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

Psychic to Leylandii tree - 'You will reach great heights.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

"I see a girl, I see a marriage, I see her not understanding you, I see a beer belly. Do you want me to go on?"

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

'It's Blurred.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"Your husband says BOO!"

'How wonderful - the both of us in futures.'

"You are going to meet a beautiful young lady at a biology lesson. . ."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

'I can't say what the market's going to do, but you're going to have fourteen children.'

Ill next Thursday

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

'I really don't know how you got here with your life line!'