City Dweller With A Love For Dining Out Gifts

"This is a terrible table!"

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'I'll give you a bite of my calamari for one of your stuffed shrimp.'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

'I know you'll find this hard to believe but I am actually a self made man.'

"....and hold the garlic."

'Oops! It's usually the devil to get any to come out!'

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"This is a big wine. I recommend you order some big food."

Long Corkscrew

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Ah — excellent catsup."

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.

Three people view wine price 3 ways.

"I realize your steak was tough but you didn't have to make such a stink about it."

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

'We've been enjoying the ambiance for 20 minutes. Now we'd like to enjoy some service.'

"And what would you like to regret later?"

"I'll have the catch of the day."

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Well, actually, Colin, while I don't really have much to kvell about, on the other hand neither do I have much to kvetch about."

"And how is the 'medium' salmon you had me overcook?!"

'A jug of wine, a loaf of bread, and thou - apparently in that order!'

"Let me take that for you."