Cinematic Roaster Pillows

"'Superman legacy' was awful. Just awful!"

Harsh Mellows.

Filming Christmas

You're the sizzle in my roast!

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'Our guest tonight certainly needs no introduction.'

'You can't have a drumstick because this is roast beef.'

You're on, caller. What's your problem?! The Oscars were so very, very boring. You decided to sit in front of your tv for four hours watching rich people give themselves awards. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ENTERTAINED, LOSER! They're coming out with a new show called "Watching Celebrities Cash Their Checks." You'd probably enjoy that. Get professionally berated at asksadie@rudypark.com.

"A little lamb please."

The First Roast Chicken.

"Yes, a table for three: me, him and his ego."

"Don't worry...the national immigrant work stoppage does not include our kitchen."

Trash-talkin' artists

Chicken

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

Marshmallow Roast

cinema

"Oh stop judging me, Gerald!"

"I think you have to leave it in for ten minutes per pound."

'It might be a satanic cult: Not only did they chop his head off, they're stuffing his body with bread now...'

"Have I ever told you how sexy you look when you overcook the salmon?"

'I don't hassle you about YOUR comfort foods.'

'What a pig.' 'I heard that.'

'Sorry but my disposable income is tied up in a roast in the oven.'

'There's a problem with dinner - the roast didn't.'

"The pork chops were dry and unseasoned."

"I'd delete Facebook—But I really enjoy roasting landlords and their overpriced rentals."

Mean Cuisine

"Ok, so I lied about my aga!"

"No insults? No put-downs? No verbal abuse? Come on, guys. What kind of roast is this, anyhow?"

Three pigs sit down to eat roast wolf

'Did you remember to stuff the chicken?' 'I didn't have to. It was full already.'

Items From the Jay Leno Fan Club