Landlord Roaster Pillows

"I'd delete Facebook—But I really enjoy roasting landlords and their overpriced rentals."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

'I know it's gassy...'

Best Before 5th Pint.

Harsh Mellows.

Shaken not stirred

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Just water for me, please."

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Barman In Love.

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

You're the sizzle in my roast!

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"I rented out the basement."

'What happened to your hand.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."