Landlord Roaster Pillows

"I'd delete Facebook—But I really enjoy roasting landlords and their overpriced rentals."

'Men are like fragments of soap... they get together in bars!'

'Think I preferred the old Irish barman.'

'No ice.'

'No standing while room is in motion.'

Shaken not stirred

Best Before 5th Pint.

'Your husband? He's just leaving...'

Harsh Mellows.

'I know it's gassy...'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"How was my day? I'm still calculating the little victories minus the humiliations I normally suffer."

'Why would anyone order a pint of stoat?'

'We get our draft straight from the brewery.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

Barman In Love.

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"Just water for me, please."

You're the sizzle in my roast!

"Every night the same gets legless, swearin 'n' fightin' then slumps into a stupor. . ."

'Okay then, what's the price break on TWENTY drinks?'

Bar: Now serving 24 hours - 'I want to get as wasted as you look.'

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine... LAST!'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"What'll ya have?"

'What happened to your hand.'

"You're looking a bit RUFF this morning."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'Telephone call for Mr. Right!'

"I rented out the basement."