Landlord Pillows

"I would die, but I have a rent-controlled apartment."

'We're just renting, with an option to skip town in the middle of the night.'

"Sure, we need affordable housing - just so long as it doesn't come at the expense of unaffordable housing."

'Surely it is no longer legal to include 'deposit of your first-born child'?'

"I don't want stock options. I want you to pay your tab."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'No! You can't sublet to a chipmunk!'

'I'm sorry, but I don't feel comfortable with signing a long term lease.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

Trophies of debt collector's heads.

'The lease says, 'No Pets'! Chickens ain't pets!'

"Anyone here named Hippity?"

'I've never known people who take as many baths as they do!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Your glass is half full!'

'I thought I would rent it out for the extra dough.'

"You can hear this?"

Real Estate Depression

"He huffed and he puffed and he increased our rent."

'These days you're lucky to have a sound tenant.'

"Just to let you know - we're putting up your rent again..."

"Once upon a time there were three little pigs who had this real sweetheart of a rent-controlled deal."

'Water is included with rent.'

'Your tenancy deposit will be held and protected securely in accordance with an authorised statutory scheme which is supervised by Big Larry, here ...'

'My kids don't understand me.'

'When I drink, I don't drive. I stay right here where it's safe and cozy.'

'Yesterday her kids and my kids started beating up our kids.'

'Un-Cooperative Apartments.'

"Oh, sure, I remember him. He was quiet, mostly kept to himself, paid the rent on time. You know, we were only married for sixteen years."

Body by Jake

'Hoots-Mon... with a wee dram at these prices I'll never get tipsy!'

"Oh, stop complaining! Our partner agencies conducted a full tenant consultation exercise!"

Complaints at the Beehive Condo

'And this must be the pool you mentioned in the ad.'

'John, I have to get going. Here's my views on politics, sports, and automobiles in case some of the boys come in later.'