Cinemas Gifts

"One more remark like that, lady, and you'll never get to see this show."

Multiplex cinema: Virtual reality car chases/explosions & virtual script.

"Sit down Fred!"

Movie Monster Exhibit: Unavailable due to much needed repair work.

'What's the quietest picture? I want to use my phone in peace.'

The Milkman Always Rings Twice.

'I don't know which is worse - the popcorn people spill on the floor, or the chicken poop.'

"Dude, that was the best superhero movie ever!"

"For the best picture not having won anything thereby being eliminated from this category..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Benedict Cumberbatch

'Believing any filming experience may help launch acting careers, some even stage their appearances before closed circuit cameras.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Herman Mankiewicz

King Kong uses fly spray against the pesky planes on top of the Empire State Building

Men looking at black screen, "I call it film noir"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"You should be sniffed, and often, by someone who knows how."

Horror movies

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"For the last time stupid, you're tin man, you are not by any leap of the imagination, anything like Iron Man!"

No-Work Orange

Comedy Cafe

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Stand-up Romcom

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Godzillla eating people using telephone poles as chopsticks.

"I thought they were cracking down on jaywalking."

"I'm sorry, we're looking for the voice of a spunky animated turnip and your reading is more fruit than vegetable if you understand what I mean."

'There's nothing on.'

"Bloody hell!"

"Hugh fans!"