Cinema Usher Gifts

"Excuse me, folks - could I see your tickets?"

'For the last time, Kevin - I'm not carrying a torch for you. I'm a cinema usherette.'

There will now be an interval while the film comes back on.

"Remind me: Is it the New York Critics Award or the Sundance Audience Prize that always lets us down?"

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"It's about time."

'Theaters from Hell' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

Movie Monster Exhibit: Unavailable due to much needed repair work.

"I'm just not in an Australian-movie mood, O.K.?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Theaters from Hell.' 'We have no sound engineers, so no there's not a good seat in the house.'

'That's the last time I'm sitting in the front row!'

Outskirts of town with sign: 'Entering Centerville - a town without a film festival.'

"What are they complaining about?... The local content is the audience...

The Odd Couple.

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

Planet of the Apes(with apes evolving to humans as the cinema patrons)

"I did not ram Preston Sturges down their throats."

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

"Look, babe. At this point, you've reinvented yourself so many times you're back to who you were at the start."

'I understand the new usher is in the restaurant business.'

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

"Please do not panic. You're only required to turn off your mobile device during the movie."

Monica Bellucci

Godzilla vs. The Angry Movie Executives

Theater Owner Who Refused To Convert To Digital Projection.

'The only thing that made sense was the violence.'

Videos. Classics. DVD. Blu-Ray. No, Ernie, "Jason and the Argonauts" is not about fans of the movie "Argo."

'It looks like Mel Brooks is at it again.'

"For your enjoyment: Please turn off electronic devices, close your eyes, and cover your ears."

"Is it any good?"

MEGASTUDIOS, INC., 'I've GOT it! - Winnie-the-Pooh VERSUS the Smurfs!'

'You idiot, Martin, you don't need those silly glasses to get an amazing 3-D effect. . . this is a PLAY!'

'No, the nude scene isn't essential to the plot, but we need it for the posters.'