Cinema Etiquette Enforcer Gifts

"As your attorney, I advise you not to talk during the movie."

Lynching on social media

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Hipsters"

"Mommy, look! He's man-spreading!"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'Knuth! How many times did I tell you not to play with the food??!!'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'Don't get up!'

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

'Oh I don't mind you turning over my cups to look at the mark. But next time, please finish your tea.'

"More?"

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

Office computer: 'Thank you for not using me for personal business.'

"Smoking or nonsmoking?"

Ladies' Game

Let's shake on it.

"When offering the wine list, we don't say, 'Something to wash that down with'!"

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"Guys, can you be quiet for a minute please: I'm on a call!"

"Gesundheit!"

Gratuities: Fine presumptuous dining.

"Do we need change? That's a $100 bill for a $53 check, Mr. Presumptuous."