Netiquette Enforcers Gifts

Lynching on social media

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

"Hipsters"

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'He bowed lower for me than for you.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

'Dang, you were right! It is formal!'

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

Only One Item or Fewer.

Manners And Customs Of Ye Englishe: A Pic-Nic

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

"You need to turn down the vibration setting on your cell phone."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

"All rise."