Cinderella Story Lover Pillows

'It's being recalled. It seems one of them turned into a pumpkin one night.'

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

The Fourth Little Pig

It's not because I'm nervous. The reason I'm not eating is because I really do have butterflies in my stomach.

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

The tooth fairy.

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Elfian lady grilling on mushroom: 'Summertime in the Enchanted Forest'.

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

'Hang on a minute: You're not going to transform into a Prince and leave me heartbroken, are you?!'

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Fyodor Dostoevsky

'I'm going to have to cut it - Daddy is complaining about the shampoo bill again.'

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"Are you willing to work the night shift?"

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Grandmother, what big diastolic numbers you have."