Churchgoer With A Climate Conscience Gifts

"While Ralph was fine with discussing climate change in church, he often wished it would focus more on turning down the damn thermostat."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

Priest

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

Verger Works

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

Baptism Then and Now

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Amen. Please help me up."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

CCTV in church.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"