Church Volunteer Gifts

"We learned about the 10 commandments, but I bet my parents will add a few of there own!"

"Prayer does work! I wasn't picked for any of the church committees."

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

"Relax, the vicar's surrounded the place with mouse traps."

Charity Shop and Faith and Hope Shops.

'Thanks for the thought but we can't accept lottery tickets.'

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

"I mistakenly stood in the doorway when kids sunday school released."

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"Being the rookie on the offering team. Bill was assigned to count the coins."

"The results of the church volunteer drive are in. We have 27 non-responders, 17 no shows, 23 incorrect contact info provided, 31 changes of heart, and 178 are still praying about it."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

CCTV in church.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"We can't actually pay you, but your work will get a lot of exposure."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

"It's a cup holder."

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Please Give

Interning in D.C. Volunteering in Seattle. Trekking in Nepal. Lucky ducks! I'm stuck here working 2 jobs! Wow! You're getting paid?!! Who knew? Employment is this summer's must-have status symbol. Some parents envy you.

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

Bake Sale! To benefit our town animal shelter

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'