Church Rule Commentator Gifts

"You said a man can't marry his own sister. He can if he is a vicar!"

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"It was a little preachy."

Does Christianity have the monopoly on morality?

Worst. God. Ever.

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

The Pope

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

"The way I see it, the Constitution cuts both ways. The First Amendment gives you the right to say what you want, but the Second Amendment gives me the right to shoot you for it."

"I think it's the company logo."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

"I have to confess a sin, Preacher. I went premarital shopping."

Tickets being sold for the Fun House and the Religious Fundamentalist House,

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

'Fourteenth century church, fourteenth century views.'

Woman protesting to Free-Kirk pastor about a church organ

'These are a little harsh. Why don't you take time off for some r and r and rewrite them when you're in a better mood?'

"An 'eight' for technical merit, Pastor, but only a 'five' for originality."

Corruption in the Vatican.

"Sister Coney Barrett, the other sttlers wonder if maybe you misunderstood the basic concept?"

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

"As a Christian, it's my job to love everyone. Especially people like you who don't deserve it."

Martin Luther.

REALLY boring sermons

Grassy Knoll Creationism: 'More potshots at evolution.'

'Sorry -- that's not on our list of approved churches.'

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Repent Ys Who Has Sinned Against ME!

"If you're generous when the collection plate is passed around, I'll make my sermon ten minutes shorter than usual."

"We're raising money for our church so our preacher can get a new luxury jet...!"

"Michael Sherlock once said: 'Religion isn't about peace, love, or the betterment of our species, it's about power and control. Religion uses fear to control and milk its flocks. Fear of God. Fear of the Devil. Fear of death. Fear of being seen as deviant for expressing non-belief. Fear of social sanctions and in some countries, fear of legal sanctions. Fear is a powerful tool to manipulate the masses and religion has mastered its employment.' ..."

"Your god can't stop his own priests from raping children in his own churches. So what makes you think he can help you find your T.V. remote?"

Papa Ratzi

"There ain't enough room in this season for the both of us."