Church Organizers Gifts

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Oh, no - Karen baked a cake so dense that not even light can escape."

'I've learned a lot about myself at these meetings...like, I can fall asleep with my eyes open!'

Inclusive speech

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Complete sentences?? Jeez, how verbose can you get?'

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

"By labeling it, I control it."

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

Pearly King and Queen

I was thinking about the implications of your brave effort last week to unionize. I didn't really. I was role-playing. Whatever. Do you realize the demise of unions has coincided with a massive decline in the middle class? What? I'm helping chickens cross a road on my iPhone. I'm taking about the income gap! Talkin' 'Bout the Income Gap is sponsored by: The makers of signs, placards, and other protest equipment.

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Collective Psyche

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

"That's our new church mascot."

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

Before the riots/after the riots

World Food Summit - No food and drink allowed in the auditorium.

Conference Pears

social services cuts

Human Rights for All

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

Annual Mensa Convention: 'Ok, who's the genius who forgot to send out the invitations?'

Nun Binning the Devil