Church League Legend Gifts

'I committed the sin of pride. I've been gloating over how our church baseball team waxed yours.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Dewey! Grandpa's stuck again. Give him a couple of whacks upside the head.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

"The whole neighborhood has an opinion on who the next pope should be."

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

Baseball Dreams

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"I don't see much borrowing on your credit report but I do see a lot of begging and stealing."

"Can we fast forward through the 7th inning stretch?"

How's my Sermon . . .

"A real old fashioned fire and brimstone message today Preacher."

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

'I enjoyed the deviled ham, the deviled eggs and the devil's food cake, but we need a menu more in tune with our mission.'

'If you see the congregation start to fall asleep, could you give me a little microphone feedback?'

"Benjamin, we've discovered, is quite gifted at third base."

"You've still got it Joao."

'Nice level swing, Billy. Just meet the ball. Don't try to kill it, Billy.'

"I meant 'go and make disciples' after the sermon, Bob."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"Did you really just tell me to keep my eye on the ball?"

"Now remember, after this anointing you need to return every 3 months or 3000 miles."

"This new NFL video is great! It factors in the strength of each team's offense, defense, special teams and legal teams."

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

"I play 'backside'. My 'backside' is always sitting on the bench."

Born to play ball.