Chuckles At Circular Logic Gifts

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

'...and on that you have my word.'

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

"Okay ... if the egg did come first, who laid it?"

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

House of Wishful Thinking

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'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

"If I had three wishes, my last wish would be to only have two wishes."

'This isn't a BREAKTHROUGH, Colbert! This is a CIRCULAR REASONING! All you've done here is re-state our original objective.'

School janitor empties numbers out of math room waste basket.

Climate-Conscious Cartoonists Work Without Paper!

'Good news and bad...good, we can use you as spare parts for other people...'

'Precise, analytical and beautifully reasoned address. Now condense it down to a snappy sports metaphor.'

'Which came first, the chicken or the egg?'

'I had a really bad day at work! . . . I was expecting it to be utterly horrific. . . but in the end it was just really bad. . . My cracked glass is half full!'

"Math is not my strong suit. That said, I would suggest investing 30% in stocks, 40% in bonds and 40% in previous metals."

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

Of course the jury sent me to prison --- The judge instructed them to "de-liberate"!

Sen. Krupt. I can't believe how little I was offered for my seat --- It's hardly been used!

"If the president ever stops by for a visit, I'm going to serve him some of my famous flan."

"Doctor, I have a question about my medication."

I don't care if going straight is quicker - next time we go around.

'Do you look in the mirror after you've washed?'

"I've never needed health insurance - I just make sure that I always owe money to everybody."

"Good, you're home. Can we go for a walk?"

'You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? Well, that's I never take a bath.'

"It's like this, kid - you're best friends, you shake hands...then they demand you go fetch something!'

'You don't understand this letter? It means that your reading comprehension skills are under par. You will have to enroll in remedial courses.'