Chrono Philosophers Gifts

Almost Your Time.

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

"Can that be right?"

'Miss Fogarty, I'm not having any fun.'

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

Stopping Time in order to Finish Book

Man in boat sees clock rising in distance instead of the sun.

The End is Relative

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

House of Cards - Europe.

'Time? Time's relative.'

Yeahhhh, I've goofed-off at the fax machine, laser printer, copier, but I'm a traditionist. Nothing beats the watercooler!

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"Would it have killed you to shave first?"

"I find things go around in cycles."

Woman on scales.

"No, son - the love of Monday is not the root of all evil."

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

'Half past zen.'

All I know is, after I evaporate, I'd better come back as a hot spring.

"We don't kiss butt around here, but we sure bootlick the bottom line."

Things-could-be-worse-go-round

'Have you got the time?'

Assisted suicide.

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"It's right now, but what happens when the clocks go forward?"

'Let's review what we never knew and can't recall and then practice our wounded expressions at being left out of the loop.'

Charging Stashun

"Patience - we have to wait till the dial stops spinning."

Fish in a bowl counting time.