Chronological Philosopher Gifts

"We'll be crossing the International Date Line so I'll see you when we land yesterday."

"Trust me kiddo, even donkey's years fly by way too fast..."

Ideas Ahead of their Time

"Can that be right?"

'I thought time was supposed to be money!'

"Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock."

''Time is an illusion'? - How long did it take you to come up with that?'

Have you heard that time is not a constant, Randy? Of course, little buddy It's called "time dilation." Time moves slower for objects in motion than it does for objects that sit still. I'm a prime example. I haven't aged a day in decades. I still have rippling muscles, a smooth pelt, glistening teeth, twinkling eyes, a raging libido, and the boundless confidence of youth ... all because I'm always on the move. I'm writing a study on it for the Journal of Temporal Hotness. I've been meaning to as

'I've tried hunting, and I've tried gathering, but what I really want is a desk job.'

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

'Time? Time's relative.'

Man in a desert looks up to see a sand timer sprinkling sand below.

"If I ever feel that life's moving too fast, I just stand in the prescriptions queue..."

'Did you try rebooting?'

"I find things go around in cycles."

'Bloody warmongers!'

'faster!'

"C'mon, who am I trying to kid? 'The Wheel'...they'll never buy it."

"I took your advice and went on a strict month-long diet, but I only lost 30 days."

Almost Your Time.

Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow...

'Half past zen.'

"I forget now... am I babysitting you or are you babysitting me?"

"Three clocks in this room, one in the kitchen, one in the front room, one in the hallway, aother three tickling upstairs, oh, and a watch in his waistcoat pocket. No forgetting the old grandfather clock in the shed. It's the most exercise he gets. Twice a year."

"Should I throw this old draft away, or will my future archivists find it an invaluable source of insight into my psyche?"

Things-could-be-worse-go-round

Philosoraptors

'Have you got the time?'

Assisted suicide.

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Railroad Crossing. It's the last official weekend of the summer, Ernie. For me, summer has always been like a passing train. When I was a kid, both trains and summer went by at a leisurely pace. Ding! Ding! Ding! Now that I'm much older, summer is like a modern bullet train ... it's just a blur that seems to be gone in an instant!

"It's right now, but what happens when the clocks go forward?"

"Well, well, would you look at that. Fire. Talk about living beyond your means."

"The way I see it, angst is the whole gestalt."

Fish in a bowl counting time.