Chronically Single Gifts

Barman indicates sick bucket, alongside usual ice bucket, saying to attractive woman: 'That's there in case you hear any particularly bad chat-up lines.'

Just married and Just Single and Happy.

"You lack spontaniety."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"I'm surprised I'm still single - I always thought I'd be divorced by now."

Biological Cuckoo clock

"The best things in life are free. The rest are married."

"Don't wait too long for Mr. Right or you'll end up with Mr. What's left!"

"At this point, I think a rich lightweight would be fine."

"I had guys chase my tail, then one day I thought, hey, dummy, get rid of the middlemen and chase your own tail!"

'Hand me the 'desperates'.'

"Don't make eye contact. Don't make eye contact. Don't...."

"Still no offers - sometimes I think I'm the only one using this site."

21st Century Malaise-Attention-Seeking-Disorder

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Wedding - throw the bouquet and the little black book.

People told me virtual dating was safe!

"Being a refrigerator magnet is fine, but I wish, for just one day, I could be a chick magnet."

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

"I think you two may hit it off. Craig, here, is an attractive male academic in his early forties who seeks a warm, vivacious woman delighting in conversation, arts, and nature for an evolving romantic commitment, possibly marriage, while you, Vivian, are a good-looking, intelligent, stimulating woman in her late thirties who seeks an educated, unattached, well-bred man concerned with ideas, culture, and the environment with whom to share your life interests and companionship."

"I'm not sure I'm ready to date again. I'm just coming off a bad mitosis."

They all have one thing in common...they all have bad breath.

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

'Okay, I'll stand on the mantle, but she's never going to believe you bagged a duck.'

'Complements of the big smelly gentleman.'

Bachelor gettin giddy from dancing

"I want someone whose inner pain is totally hot."

And that's why I'm still single!

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'I'm not sure we have a girl with THAT good a sense of humor.'

Boyfriend Shirt.

'The poor thing -- her therapist recommended divorce, and she isn't even married.'