Christmas Prepper Pillows

Ready for the holidays?

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

'You mean to tell me you forgot where you buried dinner?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"What are you doing? It's Halloween. Not leaving your deliveries to the last minute this year?"

A sun opens its mouth to eat a burning Earth

Zombie Problems

Twas the week before Christmas and all thru the house

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Cheer up-things aren't so bad.....

Santa's wash day.

The End is Nigh

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

With all that Christmas baking left, that's a bad thing...(egg prices soar).

"If I have this peanut in my pocket, it means I must have buried my keys!"

The other days of the year...

Everything for a buck.

Merry Sisyphus - Christmas pudding being pushed up a mountain.

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"Don't even think about it."

The end is near - well, at least for the sandwich board guy.

'The holidays are about to be thrust upon us, Edgar, are you prepared?'

"My next book? It will probably be about rising up and crushing humanity."

The Ambivalence of a Nice Day in February

Hiker Followed By Paramedic

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

"Each year John has so much trouble untangling the lights, they're on him longer than the tree!"

When a nanosecond is forever.

I figured out how these folks keep guaranteeing the precise day the world ends. Shhh. Keep it down. Why? It's a scam? If you read the read the fine print, they are promising that the world will begin to end that day. Could take forever. It's a no-lose scam … Shhh! What? It's scary when the world might end. There are a lot of people out there who need comforting. Women people, I presume. Women people, I presume. Who take comfort in necking. And you belittle their fears?

"Every time Trump wins a primary, we get one step closer."

There's been lots of unexplained shaking and booming noises in the middle of the night - all over the world. Some thing earth's entered a part of space filled with meteors too big to burn up in our atmosphere. Others think governments are building a network of underground bases to save a select few from a coming apocalypse. A lot of people think the world's about to end, Susan. If it were anyone but you, I'd thinking this was a pickup line. For the first time in my life, all my favorite shows go