Prepper Pillows

'The economy can't be all that bad. That shop that sells guns and gold bullion has a line out the door.'

Spam - best before end of world.

"This isn't just about the wolf anymore, is it?"

The Survivalists' Club. Walk right in with your hands up.

'Flashlight, batteries, dry matches, cash, canned goods, bottled water…'

'I want to be ready when the sea level rises!'

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

"I thought I was a hoarder, but it turns out I'm a prepper."

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

Prepper Dog

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

S.O.S. vaccine

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Holiday Gifts 2020

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'

'To prepare for Y2K, I backed up all discs and documents. . . stockpiled water and non-perishables. . . converted my investments to cash and set up a wood burning stove.'

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

Trick or Treatment.

Fair readers, please accept these personal tips for remaining healthy and germ free. Public service announcement! Keep your stress low. Exercise, eat right, hydrate and try to get a little affection in your life, if you get my meaning. If you use someone else's computer, wipe down the keyboard with alcohol to kill the germs. Ditto with the mouthpiece of a borrowed cellular phone. Don't touch anything or anyone. Bathe yourself in hand sanitizer. Don't leave the house, and if you do, don't inhale

Fire Assembly Point

'It's the worst I've seen in this area. Lots of chicken pox going around.'

How to survive the coming crash.

"Always be prepared."

Climate Change Contingency House

"It would be unwise to attend an interview without doing any preparation in advance.

"We're running late. Just pick a facial expression already."

"I like to see a man who's prepared, Remson!"

Hazmat suit

In case of fire call yourself.