Christmas Festivities Pillows

"Next year Jimmy gets a sweater for Christmas."

'The ward 'Christmas Festivities' have had to be cut...but management say patients can still use the office to photocopy your bottoms.'

'This child obesity is killing me!'

Ice Skater

'I'd forgotten , tonight is our office Christmas party isn't it...!!'

"Can you throw in a few school closings due to snow with my new sled?"

Ice skater

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

Bitchbark Canoe

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Young Frankenstein"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

Tartine

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Robot Parts $5

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

City Zoo: Day Care

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.