Christmas Traditions Pillows

Mrs Claus Gives Santa a Chimney Toilet.

"Looks like Santa Claus has moved from the North Pole to the Amazon."

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

"I don't care what your father said, Santa likes milk and cookies NOT beer and pretzels!"

The Eleventh Day of Christmas

Mistletoe Farm

'Oh look, you're under the misletoe, that means I can smell your bum!'

DIY milk and cookies

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Who's for twerky?"

'You just go out on the lot and mark the tree you want.'

Times Change in Camden Town

"I didn't know what to give him, so I brought some myrrh."

"Are you the ghost of past, present or Christmas yet to come?"

Christmas

"That Was One Narrow Chimney Flue!"

"Well, okay. But only because it's Christmas."

"Do you think this will start some sort gift-giving trend?"

Vegetarian Christmas

"Eggnog?"

"Do you think there might be a bitcoin in it?"

Elf on a shelf/Grouch on a couch

'Chestnuts? What about allergies?' And on an OPEN fire?'

'I see you enjoyed the milk and cookies.'

"Oh, how thoughtful! You brought the Sears catalog with you!"

'Umm...I'm allergic to milk but not Cabernet.'

'Your father used to like a nice, warm glass of milk while he stayed awake, waiting for Santa, too...'

'Everyone loves Christmas...except the turkey!'

'It's some carol mimers dear.'

Try avoiding going over Christmas

Mistletoe

'I can assure you officer, we are not looters.'

"I'm the Ghost of Christmas Grammar, and I see you're having trouble with the past, present, and future tenses."

'Cutting Mistletoe in the South'

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"