Christmas Eve Jesters Gifts

"I thought Marley said I'd be visited by three ghosts."

"I know other hospitals are worried about the superbug, but ours is the only one that understands the accounts system."

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'I take it his performance review went well.'

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

NSA is coming to town.

North Pole.

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

"I hate waiting! I know! I'll set this clock back an hour, and then in an hour...I'll move it forward, and 60 minutes will go by in a flash! Of course, we'll have to do this 176 more times."

Pumping up wig in blender.

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

Who am I kidding?

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

Christmas Newspapers

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

"Does that mean trick or treaters too?"

"Are you sure you can trust this doctor?"