Holiday Jesters Gifts

Bobby's dyslexia was about to bring him big trouble

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

"Now that we're into spring, we want to warn you that spring fever can be contagious..."

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"We all go a bit crackers over Christmas, just try to pull yourself together."

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'That was SO worth it!' - Christmas Tree Toppled

Dec. 26

NSA is coming to town.

North Pole.

'I'm not saying that global warming is a reality...'

Pumping up wig in blender.

"I hate waiting! I know! I'll set this clock back an hour, and then in an hour...I'll move it forward, and 60 minutes will go by in a flash! Of course, we'll have to do this 176 more times."

"Rabbi Mandelbaum?"

"He said, 'Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?' I thought that meant steer."

U.S Airspace missile detection meets Santa

"Mum, I think Grandad's run out of batteries."

The ghost of christmas regifting

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

Who am I kidding?

"Are you sure you can trust this doctor?"

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'What I like about Christmas is that wonderful feeling of freedom when it's all over.'

Christmas Newspapers

Looking for a cool cat.

"Does that mean trick or treaters too?"

Good Dog!...Bad dog!...Good dog!....Nice dog!...Very bad dog!....Good dog!....Good dog!...Naughty dog!..."

'Money's no object, lad! Whatever you want, you can have, and everything's available in our fully stocked toy department on the third floor...'

'Tell him to cut it out - we're not into leather!'