Christmas Elf Aficionado Pillows

"Don't even think about it."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

"That's ridiculous. A red nose wouldn't work as a GPS system."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Gesundheit!"

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Accept cookies?

Bling Crosby.

"I heard that Santa's cutting out the 30% employee discount on toys."

Christmas Chopin

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

Christmas is fun...but as soon as the holidays are over I'm heading down to Florida for the sun.

Elf and Safety: 'Have you got a seat belt on that thing?'

"I hate recalls."

364 days a year jobless. Please help!

'You know how 'method' Charles is . . .'

'His red nose turned out to be malignant...!!!'

Christmas Fatigue.

"Night before Christmas or no night before Christmas, I feel like stirring."

Lady walking past a sign that reads: "Happy New Year! Only 358 Shopping Days Before Christmas!"

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"Santa's workshopping"

"They represent the candy cane guild."

"This is the time of the year when you really have to stay on your toes about being good."

"He had a list of women... He was sneaking out to their houses at night, giving them gifts..."

Outsourced Rudolf.

"You're two weeks behind in making toys. What do you mean you now have to test all chess games first?"

'A child was abducted from our nursery.'

"Something for motion sickness?"

'While you're makin' a list and checkin' it twice, how about checkin' ID? Some of these ‘kids' are, like, in their 30s.'

Criminal Santa Claus