Satirical Elf Fan Pillows

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"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

'And we have an employee wellness program. By not offering health insurance or sick pay, we encourage wellness.'

'In the computer simulation he said he admired my candor and gave me a raise.'

'Steve says that he doesn't understand why the liberals are so glum! They already have a majority.'

DOWN WITH THE KING!, 'Do you know what the PENALTY is for disturbing the peace during wartime?'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

Santa's Helpers

"Call me selfish if you want, but I have no issue with spoiling the farmer's Christmas lunch: I'm out of here..."

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

"Is this your bright idea, Janet?"

'It's not the same. I was caught stealing office supplies. You, on the other hand, got caught stealing ideas.'

'Have you heard about the new Medicare drug plan called plan C? Medicare gives you $30 for a bus ticket to Canada!'

'Is it urgent?'

Focus Group Failures

Their bubble-boss seemed completely unaware of the toxic work environment.

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"No offence Jon, but..."

'Edna, the company was serious when it said it planned on promoting from within.'

'Margaret our phone's been tapped!'

"Don't even think about it."

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

'Even if we did skin you last year, you may not deduct your dermatologist bill this year.'

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

Santa with a boy on his knee:' I've got your 300 dollars. Did you bring your Mom and Dad's social security numbers and password information?'

'Remember, he who laughs last, gets fired first.'