Christmas Elf Aficionado Gifts

"Don't even think about it."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Just because I can deliver toys around the world in one night, doesn't mean I understand the tax code."

That one has all the batteries!

"Gesundheit!"

"That's ridiculous. A red nose wouldn't work as a GPS system."

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

"Will you only promise the children toys that can be brought at this store?"

Accept cookies?

Bling Crosby.

Christmas Chopin

"I heard that Santa's cutting out the 30% employee discount on toys."

Eskimo putting fake snow on his Christmas tree

Christmas is fun...but as soon as the holidays are over I'm heading down to Florida for the sun.

Elf and Safety: 'Have you got a seat belt on that thing?'

"I hate recalls."

364 days a year jobless. Please help!

Really? Santa won't stop at your house if you're not asleep on Christmas eve? That sounds like a sort of entrapment to me!

Naughty-ometer.

'You know how 'method' Charles is . . .'

'His red nose turned out to be malignant...!!!'

Christmas Fatigue.

"He had a list of women... He was sneaking out to their houses at night, giving them gifts..."

Lady walking past a sign that reads: "Happy New Year! Only 358 Shopping Days Before Christmas!"

"They represent the candy cane guild."

"Santa's workshopping"

"This is the time of the year when you really have to stay on your toes about being good."

"Night before Christmas or no night before Christmas, I feel like stirring."

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

Outsourced Rudolf.

'A child was abducted from our nursery.'

"You're two weeks behind in making toys. What do you mean you now have to test all chess games first?"

"Something for motion sickness?"

"So that's 45,000 Playstations, 198,000 smartphones and 50 million GP consultations."