Christmas Day Gifts

'Now go to sleep or Santa won't come. Or if he does come, it'll be just to give you a wedgie.'

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

'The wheel was great, but what have you done for me lately?'

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

Bitchbark Canoe

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Tartine

"Young Frankenstein"

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

At the end of each day, Gary had approximately 7 minutes of free time – which left him feeling very vulnerable.

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Robot Parts $5

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"How can you be out of wings?"

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

City Zoo: Day Care

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Come dine with me!

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."