Christmas Curmudgeon Gifts

The Post Of Christmas Present

"Have you got anything for a miserable old bastard who hates Christmas and everything to do with it?"

'I see your Alan's got his Christmas face on again.'

"Maybe I don't like stunning debuts."

"Call this an iceberg? When I was a kid we wouldn't have called this an iceburg!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'I know we had some good time together, Muriel, but a permanent relationship is out.'

Holiday Overkill.

"Sometimes, on days like this, I feel like the world is conspiring to make me happy."

"When is it my turn?"

'We'd like to speak with you about your coal policy.'

"Hundreds of looted Christmas gifts. . . A missing reindeer. . . does that ring a bell, Mr. Rudolph?"

Even Santa outsources

Uncle Murray Weekly

I HATE STUFF

Mall Directory asks, Where's your Christmas Spirit.

'He sees me when I'm sleeping, he knows when I'm awake...'

Victorian Children's Party

"Hello. This is the old man across the street. Get off my lawn!"

Christmas tree for runners.

'I'm not here!'

'Mr. Humbug'

"Even your sleep is curmudgeonly."

"Working with the elderly can be challenging... They can be bad tempered and curmudgeonly. I never ask him for anything until he's had his nap!"

'Sunnyside down.'

"My client seeks damages incurred as a direct result of your interpretation of what constitutes naughty or nice."

'Society of hermits'

"Working with older people is part of the job!"

'You're Steve from menswear. I read it on wikileaks.'

'It's ironic, though -- being naughty sure feels nice.'

"Another p**s and vinegar?"

Desk Bins of a Curmudgeon.

"Hello. This is Dial-a-Grump. What the hell do you want?"