Christmas Comic Gifts

'It's easy to tell when it's Nativity Play time - I can never find a tea-towel.'

The Turkey Lure

'Oops.'

Getting Religion Back Into Christmas.

Rudolph unblocking a chimney

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

"Heavens above no, I'm not the angel of the Lord. I'm the landlord from the Angel. I wondered if you fancied a pint."

"We bring him gifts of gold, frankincense and mercantile mutual hedge fund options."

"Maybe this year..."

Hip hop Santa.

"Sharp shooter, huh? Well, I was attacked by an ax murderer!"

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

"Gold ended the day on a new high, while frankincense and myrrh both opened well but faded as the markets closed."

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'I liked the loaves he gave out last week better. The ones with the little poppy seeds.'

'The church offering was really down this week, we received three I.O.U.'s.'

'I spend the winter in Sarasota now, since I sold my entire list to telemarketers.'

Do not open 'til Christmas...

'About this tithing business -- do You accept manna?'

"No more for him, he has to drive."

'Can I come in for a bit? It's flipping freezing out here!'

"It's time we have a little chat."

'Hunting doesn't make you naughty, it's natural: Santa knows that...'

'Can I use your mantra today? - I forgot mine.'

"Just relax, take a deep breath and tell Mommy and Daddy which plate of brownies you left out."

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"

Christmas Cracker Joke Editor.

'I'll celebrate Christmas in a supermarket and you?'

Once the other reindeer had LED noses fitted, they went back to making fun of poor Rudolph again.

'This is the part of the job I hate.'

'Cap hair.'

'That reminds me, we need more bandwidth.'

"Patrick Donovan! It was ten Hail Mary's I was sayin'...not bloody mary's!"