Christmas Classic Reimaginer Gifts

Under New Management.

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

Saint George and the Drag Queen

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

Once upon a time and a half. Buick and the Beast.

The truth about the expulsion from paradise. . .

"Skip to the part where the princess climbs to the top of the corporate ladder."

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

"My client would like to plead 'not guilty' to all three charges of damage to private property."

"What if the dish and the spoon run away together?" "Not bad, Doug, not bad at all." "And a crockpot tries to lure the dish away with cash and loads of jewels!" "Come on, Rita! That's been done to death. Too derivative."

'Read me the one about the three homeless little pigs.'

'Wind in the Willies' - 'It's an Andrew Davies version of the old classic.'

Revised Texts

"Three pizzas: One too hot, one too cold, and one just right."

Hansel and Gretel, now microwavable.

Alice in Badassland

Wolf in bed.

'Boy, down there.' 'Yes, Mr. Scrooge.' 'Tell the butcher...to cancel for goose. I just had a visit from the spirit of Veggie Future.'

Some things Alice did in wonderland have been glossed over.

'Deep in the woods, the children came upon the most wondrous sight.'

'Yeah, I knew Dumpty, I let him take a fall for me, I thought he was hardboiled.'

Nobility Scooter

Thanksgiving and Truthsgiving

Lady Cadaver.

"I haven't change my New Year's resolutions, just the year I'll do them."

Princess reads sign: 'NO fishing' NO kissing frogs'.

This is getting waaay too easy...

Rapunzel Experiments With Gender Presentation

And lived happily ever after? That's nice...now tell me the unauthorised version!

'For goodness sake, David - you'll never correct that slice in time, try your sling!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. His recipe file looks good on computer, but when he makes the hard copy ….

'Look, Adam! -- The snake gave me some body paint!'

Breaking the stereotype

"I wanted a more desirable workstyle."

'And then Sleeping Beauty filed charges against him for sexual harrassment.'