Christmas Captains Gifts

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"Have I complimented you on marketing's renewed team spirit?"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

Cat on guitar

Ring those Christmas bells!

North Pole.

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

Pucker up!

"It's a snow-grandad!"

'Jam roly-poly, treacle tart, ice cream... We're in luck, it's a dessert island.'

Christmas Tree Lights

The ghost of christmas regifting

Santa Self Esteem.

"The media says there's a war on Christmas, and St. Nick isn't in the business of losing wars."

Santa Claus Falls Victim to Global Warming

"I think it's clear what the problem is."

"I'd like a gallon of milk and a couple dozen cookies."

"Maybe we should skip caroling this one."

Christmas.

"The Ford will give you a son, and you will call him a manual."

Dueling Christmas Lights

"Fa-la-la-la-la,la-labor $95 an hour."

Santa trap

"Good Grief! He thinks he is Santa Claus!"

"Do you have plenty of trip insurance?"

'I got tired of trying to get it into one of those tiny bottles.'

'Sports teams play year round, so we decided to do the same for Christmas.'

'This is my lawyer to eye-witness your promises...'

"Same every year, he gets all tensed updreading the first radio blast of Slade's 'It's Christmas'..."

'Great photo, you're lucky! I've always been too big to sit on Santa's knees...'

'The bad news is, we only had enough money for one birthday present. . . the good news is that your mom has come up with a really fun way to see who gets it.'

Santa on Autopilot