Christmas Captains Pillows

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"Have I complimented you on marketing's renewed team spirit?"

"Perhaps it wasn't so wise to bring Frosty along!"

"If I survive this holiday, I'm moving to a pond."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

'Well, the magic of Christmas is officially over, unless it includes waking up to a septic tank backup.'

Cat on guitar

Ring those Christmas bells!

North Pole.

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

Pucker up!

"It's a snow-grandad!"

'Jam roly-poly, treacle tart, ice cream... We're in luck, it's a dessert island.'

Christmas Tree Lights

Santa Self Esteem.

"I'd like a gallon of milk and a couple dozen cookies."

Dueling Christmas Lights

Santa Claus Falls Victim to Global Warming

Christmas.

"I think it's clear what the problem is."

"Maybe we should skip caroling this one."

"The media says there's a war on Christmas, and St. Nick isn't in the business of losing wars."

"Fa-la-la-la-la,la-labor $95 an hour."

Santa trap

'This is my lawyer to eye-witness your promises...'

'I got tired of trying to get it into one of those tiny bottles.'

"Do you have plenty of trip insurance?"

'Great photo, you're lucky! I've always been too big to sit on Santa's knees...'

'Sports teams play year round, so we decided to do the same for Christmas.'

"Good Grief! He thinks he is Santa Claus!"

'The bad news is, we only had enough money for one birthday present. . . the good news is that your mom has come up with a really fun way to see who gets it.'

Santa turns on a light and the Xmas tree catches fire says 'On no!'

Santa on Autopilot