Choosing Not To Have Children Pillows

'Of course me and Lottie never got around to having kids'

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"That's mine!"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

Mother Goose Timeshare

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

"Which one's yours?"

The unforgiving tree

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Milk sideburns

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

Mime father in the delivery room.

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

Biological Alarm Clock.

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"My first Father's day!"

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

Fathers are Heroes