Choosing Not To Have Children Gifts

'Of course me and Lottie never got around to having kids'

Take the time to do something nice for yourself. Your kids will thank you. That is, if you ever decide to have them.

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

'Will you pipe down? I'm in a business meeting.'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

Baby tells other Baby to call.

"That's mine!"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Please doctor, hit him again. I need to get that ring-tone."

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's too early to say but my lad may be good enough to swim professionally.'

Mother Goose Timeshare

'I told that boy no snacks before dinner, , ,'

Roger Buffle Jr. supplies his father with yet another computer password.

'I want to give my children all the things I never had. Then move in with them.'

'You could say this is how my husband and I support local arts.'

The unforgiving tree

"Which one's yours?"

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

Milk sideburns

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

Biological Alarm Clock.

Baby gets blame for father letting off a fart.

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"My first Father's day!"

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

"You need to stop pressing the snooze button on your biological clock."

Mime father in the delivery room.

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Every time I tie my shoes, the laces come undone...I think it's a conspiracy!"

"I'd put his name down for Eton if I could spell it!"

Fathers are Heroes

Why you must go to work