Deciding On Children Gifts

"I've been crunching the numbers, and I don't think we've saved enough sleep to have children."

"Helmet, check. Harness, check. Knee and elbow pads, check. You may now push the swing."

"Mother nature sure is confusing...she gives me a clothes line but no clothes!"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

Mother Goose Timeshare

'We're the parents. What we say goes. . . In one ear and out the other.'

'She deserves it since she's raised our three kids with me overseas.'

'But Father, I don't want to study space time temporal theories in relation to collapsing pulsars, I want to do my own thing!'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

"At least she's reading."

"You're fatigued, run down, anxious, with high blood pressure, back ache, and a general malaise. You've got kids."

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

"According to this, everything we've done up to now is right."

"Act your birth order!"

Why you must go to work

'It's not that I don't want more kids Victoria, I'm worried I won't have enough skin for their names.'

"Given the high cost of raising kids, we opted instead to be childless billionaires."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

'Why are you so obnoxious?' 'Heredity!'

Adult Book Store. Leaving home. Finding a Job. Getting Married. Buying a House. Raising Kids. Living with Stress.

"I know I shouldn't let them have so much screen time, but how else am I supposed o get anything done?"

"Life’s become pretty easy lately. Perhaps it’s time we shake things up by adding a dependent."

LOVENUTS: When asked her opinion on the subject, Didi simply gives a rueful smile.

"A five, six, seven, eight, Mooooom!"

"Good news. Your child buys into the change paradigm of growing up."

Responsibility

"With the world such a crazy mess, Condy and I decided we don't want children."

Wet Wipes: My Guilty Secret

Bad, Bad Boy!

'Thanks for keeping me company Liz: Sitting on my eggs all day long can be a bit lonely...'

Our Summer Fantasy

"Can Ethan come out to swipe and scroll?"

"I thought we agreed not to fight in front of the children."