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Humpty-Dumpty the ten-part series

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

The Poky Little Pupa.

'Where was the TSA?'

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

Little Princess.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

See, Catty-O? I told you dinner was included with admission.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Fyodor Dostoevsky sends weeks describing Alexy Karamazov's quest for a white whale, and then discards the entire chapter."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'And the wicked stepmother looked into her smartphone and said, "Selfie, selfie in my face, who's the fairest in this place?"

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Hansel and Gretal