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"He may have found his mittens, but he's lost all sense of propriety."

"House of Porridge"

"Could you read the part where Stephen envisions life outside Dublin again?"

Then out in the yard, there arose such a grito that I jumped to my feet like a frightened cabrito.

Don Quichotte

"Let's see if there's another witch's cottage with a better candy selection."

"Shall we go for a walk in the woods 'til it's finished?"

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"During Junior Executive training, Emily learned that power-mad toddies, bereft of honest opinions, climb the greasy ladder of corporate success by licking boots and suppressing controversial subjects. But the pay is very, very good."

Reading in the family.

Old Mother Hubbard gets Alzheimer's.

Humpty Dumpty is sitting on a wall. Below is a man with a boiling pot waiting for him to land in it. Man is licking is lips, he has napkin on and is holding a knife and fork.

Goldilocks and the health warning.

"What's so bad about being shoved into the oven?"

Night Before Christmas

"Once upon a time there were these three little pigs. There was a neurotic little pig, a psychotic little pig, and a normal little pig . . . ."

"The prince married the princess, the kingdom got most-favored-nation status, and they lived happily ever after."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Where was the TSA?'

Little Princess.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Eurydice is bitten by a snake

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."